What to expect when you're expecting.

Disappointment.

It's actually a title of a movie that is based on a book about pregnancy and expecting a baby. But I was pondering this phrase today as I reflected on how we all have expectations, especially in relationships & friendships. Our expectations are so different and without verbalizing what our expectations are, we set ourselves up for disappointment. No, it's not the other person that fails to meet your expectations; it's us placing these unsaid expectations on people and expecting people to meet them. The whole read-my-mind-and-get-it-right mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of this. I've been in a relationship where I've totally placed expectations on a guy and we entered this vicious cycle of being frustrated, talking things out, feeling disconnected etc. That's why I'm able to write about it. But today I actually got a glimpse of why guys may be frustrated when girls get upset at a guy for not doing something when the guy really had no idea that that was what the girl expected. Ya feel?

Anyway, my own shortcomings were brought to light. My pride stops me from loving people the way they receive love because they expect it from me. Twisted, huh? There's something about giving to people who have expectations that just really bugs me. But why? Why can't I just let down my pride and love people? It's my own sin and my desire to be given credit for spontaneity.

I wish to be more like Him who gives more than what we expect.

Internal Struggle.

A friend asked how I was feeling. I said I was rested. My friend proceeded to ask how I was feeling in a more global context. I said I was at peace. God has been clearly showing me His hand over my whole life. From fulfilling a vision I had years ago where my brother and I were sitting, sharing, crying, and praying to opening doors to new friendships in preparation of letting others go, I've been in the simplest terms...blessed.

But often feeling blessed becomes comfortable. I am uncomfortable with comfort. I don't like being in this state for too long because I lose sight of Him and instead indulge in the things of this world. So as odd as it sounds, I ask Him to shake up my life. Because in those moments, I cling to Him like no other.

Haha, be careful what you wish for.

I was thinking about some of my buddies who are in a relationship that doesn’t completely stimulate them. So many men and women accept this standard, it’s no wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce. Are we so desperate for companionship that we’ll compromise our happiness? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? And why don’t we realize this until it’s too late?

I've always struggled with prayer. Not just sitting and praying but believing in the power of prayer. I knew that prayers could be answered years and years after crying out to God because I've heard of amazing testimonies from people who shared of His goodness. But I wondered when I would experience that. And then it hit me. Who said God would answer prayers the way we expect them to? Why do we think God should work around OUR schedule and OUR timing? He simply asks us to trust in His plans.

I am humbled yet again. The fact that God honored the prayers of an inconsistent, heartless, uncommitted person like me is beyond me. It's grace. Praise God that it's not my doing, but His.