Maybe it's the air of spring or the news of engagements and relationships sprouting around me (or the combination of both). Whatever it is...I'm thinking about it. For a while now I've been at peace with where I'm at and honestly didn't think about it much. Now, now is a different story. I have this weird reverse psychology that the moment I start wanting it, nothing will happen.  As if God doesn't want what I want. Silly, huh? There's also another part of me that is scared. I'm afraid of not being good enough. I'm afraid that a person will run away after getting to know my bad sides (cue in Kelly Clarkson's "Dark Side").  I'm also afraid that there won't be anyone who finds me attractive or beautiful. These are fears that lay deep inside of me. How can I get rid of them? How do I cure myself from it? How can someone who claims to know Jesus have such thoughts that are consumed by lies? I don't know. In my weakness, I forget that in spite of knowing my ugliness, He loves me. Instead of running away, He opened His arms out wide and died for me. That He declares me beloved. That beauty really is found on the inside (1 Peter 3:3-4). That fear doesn't come from love.

These are the moments, the revelations, the truths that I should be holding on to, the thoughts that should be imprinted in my heart.