Driving home after dinner, my brother and I talked about how much he's grown in the past year. We talked about how he was before as if we were talking about a person we both knew a while back. This was the first time hearing him acknowledge his weaknesses--short temper and impatience. It was such an open and real conversation, yet so...surreal. I was in shock. Is this really happening? Who is this guy? I told him about how many people were praying for him for the past 6 years. He said he knew and recounted the one time he visited me in SD and saw his name on my prayer wall (woops haha). Later we talked about how he's doing now. The things he's struggling with, what he's learning. I've never been so invited into my brother's world. I soaked it all in. In no way am I trying to say that my brother and I now have the best relationship but it's the beginning. A special thank you to those who have been praying alongside me. This transformation that has been taking place all these years is the work of Him, all glory to Him. He is good. 


Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;Praise Him, all creatures here below;Praise Him above, ye heav’nly host;Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!

Maybe it's the air of spring or the news of engagements and relationships sprouting around me (or the combination of both). Whatever it is...I'm thinking about it. For a while now I've been at peace with where I'm at and honestly didn't think about it much. Now, now is a different story. I have this weird reverse psychology that the moment I start wanting it, nothing will happen.  As if God doesn't want what I want. Silly, huh? There's also another part of me that is scared. I'm afraid of not being good enough. I'm afraid that a person will run away after getting to know my bad sides (cue in Kelly Clarkson's "Dark Side").  I'm also afraid that there won't be anyone who finds me attractive or beautiful. These are fears that lay deep inside of me. How can I get rid of them? How do I cure myself from it? How can someone who claims to know Jesus have such thoughts that are consumed by lies? I don't know. In my weakness, I forget that in spite of knowing my ugliness, He loves me. Instead of running away, He opened His arms out wide and died for me. That He declares me beloved. That beauty really is found on the inside (1 Peter 3:3-4). That fear doesn't come from love.

These are the moments, the revelations, the truths that I should be holding on to, the thoughts that should be imprinted in my heart.