It feels like I'm losing but He tells me the battle has already been won.

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
¹² You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
¹³ Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever.”

Isaiah 55:8-13


God > me

“But you, Israel, my servant,
    Jacob, whom I have chosen,
    you descendants of Abraham my friend,
⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41: 8-10

Trusting in God and His plans for me has been the theme of the past few months. Trusting in Him doesn't mean that my problems will be erased, but more so that I can take joy in all circumstances because I know that it is in His hands. The burden of worrying about my family, future, graduate school, job, relationships grow smaller as I entrust all things in Him. 

It's like I forgot how to be still with the Lord. I'm still trying to fill the background with noise.

Surreal!

The last 5 years zoomed by. I packed the last of my things and drove back to Torrance today. I can't help but be so so grateful for the full life I lived in San Diego. After I said my goodbyes to friends, I expected me to feel a sadness that would lead me to tears. But, I'm happy to announce that I was tears free! Haha, that says nothing about how I feel about San Diego, but more about how God has fully equipped and prepared me for the next part of my journey. So, here's to the life I've lived so far and more of the life that is to come!

As I was about to leave the Kapur house, I gave E a hug. I gave A a hug and thanked her for inviting me to her house (once again) to hang out with the family and share a meal with them. As I was putting my sandals on, E comes to me and says, "Stacey, can I get another hug? I didn't feel the other one." Such a sweet 7 year old. I gave him another hug and he said, "I love you."

One of the many reasons I will miss San Diego.

Psalm 51:16-17

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Nicaragua Day #5 (12/17/11)

"Community. It's really strong here. Everyone was involved in the celebration of the promotion of the little ones and the 6th graders. Balloon arch, food, performance, preparation all came through because of the help of the community.

We started the day with nakatamales which were super good and filling. It takes a whole day to make these delectable things. Everyone looked their very best. Franksuat cut his hair and wore his robe and cap.

We took pictures of everyone and everything! It was such a special occasion and proud moment for the families and friends. The ceremony was a long but but a fun celebration, nevertheless.

After lunch we went downtown to buy gifts and attend Eleazor's graduation. We didn't make it in time but found them at the bus stop. So we drove back to church, had worship at the church and continued the celebration.

1 Thessalonians 4:9

Now about brotherly love, we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another. "

Nicaragua Day #4 (12/16/11)

"We spent most of the day at the church. We met some more kids: Orlando, Silvio, Paula. All really beautiful kids who are loving and smiley.

Today we had the opportunity to go to a local factory where about five thousand local people work and manufacture clothes. It was neat because the group of church members that we went with go there every Monday and Friday and minister to the people there through worship, testimony, and sermon. We were able to hand out Bibles to several people there and worship together. It was discouraging to me because I wondered how many of these people would really dive into the Word but Donna reminded me that there's only so much we can do. We have to leave the rest in God's hands--trusting that He has plans far greater than what we can see immediately before us.

After several hours at the factory, we went back to downtown Tipitapa to buy groceries for snacks and food and went back to church to prepare for dinner--RAMEN! And we prepared for the promotion/graduation ceremony for the students the next morning.

Things to remember/pray for:

-Missionary Kim and her heart, not to be discouraged

-Reyna and Anyell, loss of baby & for God to bless them with another one

-for the church to be provided for, money to build the walls around the church grounds

-protection, today gang members came and tried to steal the computers from the church

1 Thessalonians 3:12

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you."

Nicaragua Day #3 (12/15/11)

"Started off the morning with a simple meal of beans and grated cheese. Pastor Coquito also made us fresh papaya smoothes which was yummy (but no me gusta papayas). After breakfast we geared up in long sleeves and pants to go out to where the young children pick mani, which are like peanuts. The field is full of them! You squat, dig through the dirt and pick out all the mani and put them in bags. They take the bag to the owner of the land and then they get paid.

Our team who voluntary came with us to pick mani and take us around Tipitapa :) (yes, I was a giant in Nicaragua).

Don't they look like peanuts?

We were only in the field for a little bit and started to walk over to Cristobal's house. It's crazy to think that these children are sent out to the field everyday so that they can put food on the table. Something to think about.

The walk to Cristobal's was really beautiful!

Lanes of trees lined up to make an amazing pathway. We saw platanos trees, orange trees, lemon trees, and others. We got to Cristobal's house and met his grandmother, mother, cousins, nephews, and brother. They do lots of farming--squash, oranges, coconuts.

We took the horse cart and motor taxi back home which was really fun! We got to church, helped make tacos for lunch and rested. We went out with the missionary's husband afterwards to Masaya where there is a volcano site. He also took us to a cafe where it overlooked the beautiful lake.

This was a really special time for us because he opened up to us about his move to Nicaragua, his struggles, his first wife we passed away from cancer, and his kids. He also talked us through the idea of "serving others." He told us mission teams comes through and prepare themselves to serve others but often times haven't learned to accept the service of others. It was really applicable to us because we kept feeling bad about the generosity of Coquito and her family and Cristobal. They want to provide us the best with what the have; so all of us are learning to accept and be gratfeul. It was humbling because it's like we have a "savior complex"--we didn't necessarily think we were going to change lives but we definitely thought we were here to serve others. We think that because the people here are poor we are making a difference and it makes us feel good about ourselves. In the end it becomes about ourselves. It was a humbling realization that even in thinking we had good intentions, we are still sinful and selfish people.

I think today's lesson of accepting the service of others is an important one--not to come with a mindset that because the people here are poor we shouldn't accept from them but to be openminded in the ways in which God moves in His people. God uses the poor, the weak, the humble to serve others just as Jesus was sent to the world to save, serve, and love us.

Today I saw fireflies for the first time! Cool!"

Nicaragua Day #2 (12/14/11)

"We spent most of our day at the church. Coquito and her family provided breakfast for us. We ate eggs, beans, and rice (gallo pinto) and it was so good!

The mornings are really nice here--warm and humid with a slight breeze. Afterwards, Cristobal and Reyna took us to some local homes in the village so we could meet people who attend the church. We met them, passed out snacks, and prayed for the households.

There are lots of young children everywhere! A lot of the middle school aged kids work to make money for the family so we didn't get to meet them, but we will tomorrow because we're going to the mani (a kind of peanut) field where they work. For lunch, we came back to the church and learned to make enchiladas which looks a little different here. We made tortillas with Eleazor and Reyna while Cristobal and the others made the rice with chicken. Then we deep-fried it and it was yummy :)

After lunch we helped out the missionary's husband with computer ordeals and went to worship afterwards for Wednesday night service. Lots of singing that kids were really into.

Bad news first: I had a hard time today because I don't speak Spanish. There's only so much you can say and do if you don't speak the language. I feel mute and purposeless. Made me wonder again why I was here. Instead of just trying to figure things out alone I told Jiah and Donna and they prayed for me. At first it's hard to not believe that language barriers are big deals but I felt constricted. Language is so important but I am continually being reminded to trust in Him and His plans. It's not easy because it comes up every time someone tries talking to me.

Good news: We've been spending a lot of time with Coquito's family and friends. Reyna, Cristobal, Anyell, Franksuat, Bethsuat, Pedro. All such loving and serving people. Franksuat, Bethsuat and Pedro love playing anything: hand games, hugging, running around (last three kids on the right).

Cristobal is such a servant. He tries speaking some English phrases to me. He walks us home all the time and stays at the church every night just in case we need him.

Anyell and Reyna are sweet and fun to hang out with.

Francisco and Coquito are super loving and welcoming.

We ended the night having dinner at Coquito's house and came back to our place to make crafts--cards and letters for the previous KCM teams. It was fun to just sit and be with each other. This is definitely a different kind of mission trip. The culture, the people. God's love was shown to me in so many different ways today. He is definitely listening to all my thoughts and prayers today."

Nicaragua Day #1 (12/13/11)

We arrived in Nicaragua and were greeted by our friendly host and missionaries: Kim Hyang Ja and her husband Mr. Lee! We are so well taken care of here. We've met Cristobal, Pedro, Franksuat, and Bethsuat. The missionary has been sharing her vision and philosophy with us. She doesn't believe in forcing yourself to suffer when you don't have to. It's kind of a glorified picture of what we think a mission should look like. Instead, she was telling us to enjoy the country, know that there is poverty and injustice. She told us to take that knowledge and continue to pray for the country, use the resources God has gifted you with and use them for the poor and hungry. I'm excited for our future plans this week.

Our host and missionaries (recently married :))

Our first meal in Nicaragua. I miss the platanos!

The entrance to the church.

Our church: Iglesia Presbiteriana Jesus Esperanza decorated for Christmas

Our home for the next 10 days!

Our family in Nicaragua: Reyna, Anyell, Cristobal, Bethsuat, Franksuat, Coquito, and Francisco.

Happy 2012!

I wanted to take the next several days reflecting on my trip to Nicaragua. I've been practicing and trying to find the best way to articulate my amazing experience there and find that writing it out and sharing the experience through pictures would be the best way to do it. So join me in revisiting my time in Nicaragua. I hope that you are blessed by the people, the lessons that we learned, and the experience we had there. I pray that you are moved to pray for the missionary, the ministry, and the people.

Let's start off with a picture of my family in Nicaragua.



:) I miss them

So the reason I went to Nicaragua was...because I could. I had the resources to buy myself a plane ticket to go to Nicaragua and so when my friend Jiah asked if I wanted to go with her, I thought about it over one weekend and told her, Yes! Later I was bombarded with doubts and insecurities about the trip. What could I offer the people there? What's my purpose for going? We were a small team of three (Jiah, Donna, and myself) and we didn't have set plans. If you know me, you know that I'm a planner. A "J" for you Meyers-Briggs people. I like structure, I like plans, I like knowing what I'm doing. But, we had one month to prepare and we did what we could. The three of us held meetings over videochat and talked about potential ideas for crafts, Bible lessons, and supplies that we could take to Nicaragua. I expressed to the girls how hard it was for me to understand what my purpose was for going and they prayed with me. Little did I know how faithful God would be with those prayers. Up until the day we left for Nicaragua my mind was busy with trying to pass a physiology class that I was taking. As soon as I finished that final, I was so overwhelmed with excitement for the trip. We were sent off in LAX by our friends who prayed for us.



Our adventure starts two layovers and 12 hours later in Managua, Nicaragua on our way to the village of Tipitapa :)