We are such selfish lovers, at least I know I am.

Love should not be a measured based on how much another person can do for me. But isn't that how it is sometimes? We enter friendships and relationships loving the person the best that we can, acting like we don't expect anything in return because we're doing everything out of our love for them, but in reality don't we expect that love to be reciprocated? I wonder why loving someone the best that we can, loving them with no expectations and bounds, isn't enough for our hearts.

God, the perfect lover, does not expect us to love Him the way that He loves us. He knows that we will run away, reject Him, ignore Him, push Him away, be frustrated and angry with Him, and yet He still loves us...perfectly. He does not love us because of what we can do for Him. I mean, c'mon, we are failed lovers. We are the players, the insensitive boyfriends, the dramatic girlfriends the runaway brides, the distant husbands. Even if we claim to be great lovers, anything we can do God can do infinitely better. In our relationships and friendships, how can we say that we deserve to be loved? When did we ever deserve God's perfect love? How is it that God, Creator of the Universe, loves such an undeserving, imperfect person like me? Grace. It is through grace that He loves me.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It's crazy how far we've come,

and how fast things can change.

TobyMac--Get Back Up

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever
[May be knocked down but not out forever]

I feel most emotional at night.

"Jesus said, 'In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world' (John 16:33). Life isn't perfect when you follow Christ wholeheartedly; you will have trouble, Jesus says--it is pretty much guaranteed.

But He has overcome the world. So take heart, keep on, fight the good fight, pray continuously, and do not grow weary. There is nothing better than giving up everything and stepping into a passionate love relationship with God, the God of the universe who made galaxies, leaves, laughter, and me and you" (Frances Chan, Crazy Love 106).

Add The Holiday to the list.

1 John 4: 16

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.

We are here to love people. We are here to glorify His name.

I've been watching a lot of movies recently. The Break-Up. The Client List. Braveheart. Every time I see a character cry, I oddly feel their sadness. Even if it's something that I've never experienced before or cannot fully comprehend, I feel a pang of sadness.

If I could do things again, I would have surrendered my plans to God a long time ago. I wouldn't have tried so hard to figure out my life and secure myself in it. I would have told myself to be less uptight and more lax. But you can't undo time, so you have to accept what you learned and move on.

Times like this will pass. There's a new year ahead.

it's 11:11

one year.

“Making us like Jesus was God’s plan from the beginning. God ‘predestined’ or planned for us to be like his Son (Romans 8:29). Before God even made the world, his plan for you and me was to make us like Jesus. And everything that happens to us is part of that plan.”

- Tim Chester, You Can Change (Wheaton, Ill.; Crossway, 2010), 15.