God is good.

Long story short, my laptop had problems after I tried to upgrade it so I took it into the store without backing up my stuff and now I have a laptop with 4 years of memory erased.

I was so sad to find that all the pictures I've accumulated over the years were gone. All the saved conversations, all the papers, all my documents and programs...gone!

But it's like having a new start with no strings attached. Nothing to stop me from moving forward because there's nothing else to look back on anymore. There are new memories to make, new pictures to take, and new papers to write!

Here's to a clean start :)

It's tough.

Every day I have to recommit myself to Him.

Every day I have to choose to want Him, desire Him.

Every day I have to ask God for more of His love so I can love His daughters and sons.

It's tough though, not gonna lie.

My selfishness, pride, anger, self-absorption all get in the way.

But in the end I ask Him to reign.

To reign over my life, my decisions, my actions, my thoughts.

Come, Lord.

“I think you have a heart idol called Pride that you are worshiping right now. You are your own God. It will take a work of God’s grace to change you. You’ll have to come to the point where you decide that Jesus is trustworthy, and you allow him to reign in your heart instead of yourself. I realize that’s going to take some time.”

"A committed relationship allows you to drop pretenses and seductions, expose your weaknesses, be yourself--and know that you will be loved, warts and all. A real relationship is the colission of my humanity and yours, in all its joy and limitations. How partners handle that collision is what determines the quality of their relationship."

Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

help me to love.

Thank You for Hearing Me by David Crowder Band

Thank you for loving me
Thank you for finding me
Thank you for hearing me
Thank you for healing me

Laa laa laa

Thank you for loving me
Thank you for saving me

Laa laa laa

My Jesus, I love thee
I know thou art mine.

If We Are The Body by Casting Crowns

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

CHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road

CHORUS
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ

Chorus (2x)
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus is the way

He is the Great Pursuer & the Great Lover.

Psalm 81: 6-7, 10

He says, "I removed the burden from their shoulders;

their hands were set free from the basket.

In your distress you called and I rescued you,

I answered you out of a thundercloud;

I tested you at the waters of Meribah

I am the LORD your God,

who brought you up out of Egypt.

Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.

Kim Walker--How He Loves Us

It's amazing the effect one person can have on another, especially through words.
Words carry a lot of weight. What is said, how it's said.
With a few words a person can drastically change the way you feel, think, and act.
Words are so powerful.

Grand Canyon and San Francisco

Spending time with family was really good. It's been a long time since we took a family trip so I enjoyed every second of it. Arizona is very beautiful and I thoroughly loved driving through the state. California, on the other hand, has a lot of catching up to do. Driving through yellow plains for 5 + house is not my idea of a scenic route.

San Francisco, and norcal in general, brings back a lot of memories. Throughout the trip I pointed out all kinds of places that reminded me of past times. It was nice to be in the company of my cousins and my brother for the weekend creating new memories. Tomorrow we're making our trip back down to Torrance after our stop at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I'm not a big fan of big fish (something about them being big and not blinking creeps me out) but the creation of the ocean and the things in it always reminds me of how big God is.

A few more days til I head back to SD for my last year of college! AH!

That feeling returned.

The weird, unsettling feeling that I get when it's time for me to drive back to San Diego. The last time I felt this way was 2 years ago. San Diego and Torrance felt like two different worlds and so it always felt weird to go from one place to the other. The feeling went away over time. I thought it would be gone for good, but it's back for whatever reason and it's making me nervous.

I don't always understand myself.

Sometimes I feel fine, other times sad, and other times over it.

A newly developing feeling is that of anger and bitterness.

It comes and goes like the wind.

I have a tendency of stressing myself out. I'm actually pretty good at it. I take on the responsibility of planning something and then I become frustrated, annoyed, and disappointed when things don't go the way that I plan. I really need to learn to go with the flow and loosen up. Because the stress always leads to undesired consequences.

It's when I take the spotlight off of me and on Christ that I'm able to see. It's when I stop mulling over my troubles, my worries, my thoughts, me me me that I'm able to see the light that God brings into my life. My hardships are nothing compared to that of the goodness and blessings that God promises us. One year is nothing compared to eternity. Sadness is nothing compared to joy. Death is nothing compared to life. We are nothing compared to Christ. Christ defeated death. Stacey, live your life in light of the Gospel. Because you have been given a new life, new identity, new worth through Him.

September--Daughtry

At the end of the day, it's just me and God.

Ever since I learned about "golden birthdays" in the first grade, I've always looked forward to my own. But for some odd reason, I feel unsettled and nervous. Haha weird, right? I don't know what it is but in a few short hours I will be entering my twenty first birthday. And it's coming whether I'm ready or not.

Letting go is the hardest part but knowing God has control is the most beautiful part.

So often we want to hold on to what we know and have but so often it's not always the best idea. Lots of times we blow up our problems to be a lot bigger than they actually are. It's nice to be reminded (by God-sent friends) to take a step back and remember that my life, my being is so microscopic compared to the glory of God. I live like this life is all about me but it really isn't. Heck, it's not about me at all. I want to see the bumps in life as His way of "continuously preparing us for how He's calling us to live and who He's calling us to be." So really, bring the egotism and drama down a notch, Stace. Take in a deep breath and welcome life with open arms.

I'm anxious about the upcoming school year. Yes, it is a month away but I have dreams about it. Things are different and I wonder what new obstacles I will face. What new hardships and what new joys will enter my life. What new people, plans, ideas will come and go.

Emotions, away with you. I can't let you bring me down in times of hardship. I need something more constant and steadfast to keep me grounded. I need Jesus.

"[I]f you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our friendship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that ‘expectancy’ to an ‘expectation’ -- spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or responsibilities of a good friend" (p. 205).

The Shack by William P. Young

This is the day the LORD has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

this week was hard

DR 2007
One of my fondest memories while on missions in the Dominican Republic takes place at the Haitian village. It was the end of a long day and the sun was setting. We all held hands with the children there and walked in a circle as we sang songs. I remember there was so much joy in that place. Even though, it had rained earlier, there was mud everwhere, the villagers lived off of almost nothing, we were all tired and hungry and sweaty and sticky, it was so joyous to be able to be together. We were only with them for a few hours but I swear all of us could stayed there forever. This is the only picture we have of that occasion because all of our cameras died. Literally no one on the team had a working camera. We were able to snap this one shot before ours died on us too. But that memory is imprinted in our hearts forever. I often think about the people we met over there and wonder how they're doing and if they even remember us. What I do remember from that trip was that God's love abounds everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And that, that awesome love never ceases to amaze me.

Funny how we often run away from God rather than run to Him.

I feel like these days I've been wasting time. Watching TV or at least keeping it on to fill the silence or quiet my thoughts. Constantly refreshing facebook or gmail or busy replying to IMs to avoid feeling alone. Even though I know He's the only one that can fill that emptiness I steer clear of Him. Why? I don't know. But through good and bad times...

Psalm 28:7

The LORD is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Thank you

Man, this is harder than I thought!

We don't feel like we need God in our lives because we choose lives that are manageable without Him.

We are such selfish lovers, at least I know I am.

Love should not be a measured based on how much another person can do for me. But isn't that how it is sometimes? We enter friendships and relationships loving the person the best that we can, acting like we don't expect anything in return because we're doing everything out of our love for them, but in reality don't we expect that love to be reciprocated? I wonder why loving someone the best that we can, loving them with no expectations and bounds, isn't enough for our hearts.

God, the perfect lover, does not expect us to love Him the way that He loves us. He knows that we will run away, reject Him, ignore Him, push Him away, be frustrated and angry with Him, and yet He still loves us...perfectly. He does not love us because of what we can do for Him. I mean, c'mon, we are failed lovers. We are the players, the insensitive boyfriends, the dramatic girlfriends the runaway brides, the distant husbands. Even if we claim to be great lovers, anything we can do God can do infinitely better. In our relationships and friendships, how can we say that we deserve to be loved? When did we ever deserve God's perfect love? How is it that God, Creator of the Universe, loves such an undeserving, imperfect person like me? Grace. It is through grace that He loves me.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It's crazy how far we've come,

and how fast things can change.

TobyMac--Get Back Up

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever
[May be knocked down but not out forever]

I feel most emotional at night.

"Jesus said, 'In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world' (John 16:33). Life isn't perfect when you follow Christ wholeheartedly; you will have trouble, Jesus says--it is pretty much guaranteed.

But He has overcome the world. So take heart, keep on, fight the good fight, pray continuously, and do not grow weary. There is nothing better than giving up everything and stepping into a passionate love relationship with God, the God of the universe who made galaxies, leaves, laughter, and me and you" (Frances Chan, Crazy Love 106).

Add The Holiday to the list.

1 John 4: 16

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.

We are here to love people. We are here to glorify His name.

I've been watching a lot of movies recently. The Break-Up. The Client List. Braveheart. Every time I see a character cry, I oddly feel their sadness. Even if it's something that I've never experienced before or cannot fully comprehend, I feel a pang of sadness.

If I could do things again, I would have surrendered my plans to God a long time ago. I wouldn't have tried so hard to figure out my life and secure myself in it. I would have told myself to be less uptight and more lax. But you can't undo time, so you have to accept what you learned and move on.

Times like this will pass. There's a new year ahead.

it's 11:11

one year.

“Making us like Jesus was God’s plan from the beginning. God ‘predestined’ or planned for us to be like his Son (Romans 8:29). Before God even made the world, his plan for you and me was to make us like Jesus. And everything that happens to us is part of that plan.”

- Tim Chester, You Can Change (Wheaton, Ill.; Crossway, 2010), 15.

Sidewalk Prophets: The Words I Would Say

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

Prayer

"We need time to be with our Father every day because every day our hearts and the hearts of those around us are overgrown with weeds. We need to reflect on our lives and engage God with the condition of our souls and the souls he has entrusted to our care or put in our paths. In a fallen world, these things do not come automatically" (Miller 261, A Praying Life).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5)